indescribable feelings

guuuuyyyys, I totally cant describe how's my heart feeling right now...
It's really awkward, reaaally....
my mood also up and down.
it was start yesterday when I went to one of college in part of Jakarta region. I came with a friend for supported my kids there, and thank God they won!
But i got a bad news from one of them. He told me that his friend was treated at one of big hospital near from our school. He didn't know what was happened to 'him'.
I certainly know that I'm nothing for 'him', but i cant lie to my heart that i was worrying too much. moreover when he told me that 'he' might be got an accident, becos we all know that 'he' loves to exercise. Last morning he still replied my text and on friday, i just saw him so well beside of me. i just couldn't wonder how bad he was and kept worrying. At first i didnt want to ask 'him' anything, but my heart told me to ask 'him'. I decided to ask and he replied me! I just said alhamdulillah hhh :') once more, thank God he didnt get any accident..

When i arrived at home, i saw someone's tweet and i was hurt. bcos of queen of month my mood had successfully down. I said to myself to stop everything about him. stop worrying, stop thinking and stop wishing. It will always end up like this. and i really hate it.
Then i fell asleep and woke up lately in the morning. I woke up with a mess feeling. Ya kno what? it was bcos i dreamed about him instead of forget him. it was kinda embarrassed me.... I saw him beside of me, walked together, he hold my hand, it was really.... sucks. really. i hate that dream. i tried to forget along this day and end up with something that shocked me. my friend told me that someone asked if I really going together with him, i mean such... you know. it surprised me so well! I dont know why could she/he thinks that way?

So i finally remember about a shocked question last friday while a friend accidentally touch my hand. "What if he suddenly hold your hand?"
I was just like asdfhjkl i even couldn't answer that damn question!
Then I knew why did he come to my dream.

in another side, i was thinking about a phrase that i read more than twice, which said, "that person who come to your dream, is a person who missing you"
but i'm totally disagree :' i know very well that it wasn't possible to miss me. i know. because im really nothing, and it's freakin dumb to see myself wishing an impossible thing. it's so depressing.

my friends used to support me to be with him, they told me to get closer with him instead of stop wishing.
it's also depressed me. I really never meant to fell in love for 'a real'. i know it was dumb when i decided to 'playing' with love/like. To be honest, sometimes i regret it :|

But i arrived on this spot. that spot which make me shake! -_-
and the most best dumb thing is when we all know that he doesn't feel the same way.

Well, i just can see you from far miles away (okay i know its a lil bit too much), just can worrying you in silence, just can pay you attention by my tweets, trying to stop wishing a fool thing also realizing that we won't together :'D
It isnt a matter for me, don't worry! ;D

And also, get well really soon for you there! my pleasure to see you healthy again :)


♡✿♡